To speak in a passive or constantly apologetic tone invites patronizing responses and indifference. Of course, to speak in an aggressive or authoritative tone invites hostile opposition and snark, among other things, but
This is a phenomenon that is frequently discussed in feminist spheres, because of the observed correlation between females/passive and males/authoritative in terms of writers and speakers. Women as a whole are socialized to be passive and peacemaking in an effort to maintain harmony, while men are socialized to be aggressive and authoritative in order to dominate. Most people respond more critically and constructively to authoritative tones rather than they do to passive tones, so it is important for women to feel comfortable and confident in their ability to speak authoritatively in order for our voices to be heard.
To accept this, though, one has to believe that authority (a trait commonly thought of as masculine) is preferable to passivity (a trait commonly believed to be feminine in nature), which perpetuates the idea that masculinity is inherent in men and femininity inherent in women, and that masculinity is to be valued and respected more than femininity. Which means that men are more respected and taken more seriously than women, as a whole. This leaves many others who do not fit into the male-female/masculine-feminine binary out of the picture entirely, erasing their experiences and identities.
So why worry about whether or not I'm speaking authoritatively, if doing to would only perpetuate the idea that I'm inherently flawed because I'm female?
I don't know. But I do know that I want people to take me seriously, and most people won't take me serisouly if I do not speak authoritatively. Am I giving up? I'm not sure.
I do know that I'm tired of being so quick to concede a battle because I am eager to avoid further conflict, and give up being "right" or respected as a result. I am tired of being patronized because my writing style, that's been subconsciously encouraged since I learned to communicate, is not the one more valued in society.
If I am a person who would, by nature, be more subdued and peacemaking, I am not opposed to that identity. The problem is that I don't know whether or not I am, because I am a female, and I was socialized to behave and think in one way, while my male counterparts were socialized to behave in a different way. Until we stop raising and teaching our children to behave according to which genitals they have, we will not know who we really are.
As a woman, I am tired of feeling like I need to add a disclaimer to everything I write. It's as if I'm saying to the world, "Hello, I'm very sorry to interrupt, but I wanted to let you know that although I am a woman, I thought it might be fun to maybe write something quick about my experiences and things that I feel. I hope I don't take up too much of your time-- I mean, if you hate what I'm saying, please, don't feel bad, I won't be offended if you leave and go somewhere else. And by all means, if you do manage to read through this whole thing, please don't worry, if you want to criticize me in the comment section, I don't mind at all. I probably have a thing or two to learn, anyway!"
I'm tired of reading what I write and hearing that. I'm tired of reading other women's writing and hearing that.
New Year's Resolution: Stop being afraid of constructive confrontation and responsible aggression.
