Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Who comes up with this material?

Near the end of a post talking about a list of 21 Things Women Can Do That Men Can't April briefly mentions a list of 10 Things That Men Can Do That Women Can't. Like the list April goes after it pretty much depends on the gender roles that are forced on us based on mostly our biological make up. Here goes.

No.10 - Go Topless
Sure, women can go topless on the beach, but we can do it whenever and wherever we please. Walking down the street? Off. Mowing the lawn? Off. Street ball? Skins. Rollerblading -- women can try it, but it might be painful. Still in doubt? What gender do you think is responsible for “No Shirts. No Shoes. No Service.”? Useless nipples and the lack of oversized sweat glands are the reasons for this entry on our list of things only men can do.

1. From what I understand women are free to go topless in many more places than people know.
2. As for the gender responsible its not a matter of gender but a matter of it being those at the top that can't handle the site of topless women (yes you can argue that most of those at the top are men but those very few do not represent us all so there is no need for the blanket, "Itz teh menz!").
3a. I don't know about other guys but my nipples aren't useless. They are quite useful in the realm of sexual pleasure.
3b. I don't have a pair but I'm pretty sure there more going on with women's beasts than sweat.

No.9 - Hold our liquor
Sorry ladies, we’re genetically wired to pack it away a lot better than you. Men produce more of the protective enzyme alcohol dehydrogenase, which breaks down alcohol. This ultimately means that while you’re buzzing off one Cosmo and saying “I love this song” for five songs straight, we can enjoy another two whisky sours and continue to debate whether or not the world can be saved from global warming.

Oh there is so much more to alcohol tolerance than biology. Hell I've met women half my size (and I mean that literally, I'm a big guy) that can out drink me. But this does setup the idea that when a woman hurls at the end of the night its shrugged off as being okay she's just a woman while men that hurl at the end of the night are clowned for not being able to hold their liquor (but without the referencing to being a woman mind you). I have two pieces of advice for drinking tolerance. First learn your body. Learn what you like and don't like. Learn what you can mix and can't mix (don't listen to people trying to tell you catchphrases, you need to learn for yourself what you can and can't do). Learn your limits and act accordingly (as in knowing when you can cut loose and when you need to cut back). Second stick to your guns. Don't let anyone talk you into drinking something you know you don't like or can't drink. Don't let anyone talk you into going beyond the limits you are comfortable with. To the devil with peer pressure.

No.8 - Manscape
The playoff beard, the love canal, the Fu Manchu, and the goatee are strictly male innovations, and growing them are things only men can do. Plus we can wear chest, underarm, leg, ear, and nose hair as proudly and loudly as we like. Women? Sure they can imitate our Sasquatch look, but like the Sasquatch, they might limit their survival to a small band of tree huggers, who also share their “natural” beauty.

There are indeed women that can grow facial hair. But here are two forces at work here. A woman that doesn't shave may her womanhood challenged (because she is "supposed to be" all pretty and hairless right?) and a man doesn't have facial hair may have his manhood challenged (because a man that doesn't have facial hair is a "boy/kid/babyface" aka not a "real man").

No.7 - Navigate spatially
Men are much better at seeing things as they really are -- in 3-D. True, the fact that we can see Spy Kids 3-D in focus is no reward, but our superior ability to see shapes also improves our abilities in geometry and math. This explains why more men are math geniuses than women. Sure, the journal Science declared otherwise in 2008 and we are socialized to believe girls are less competent in this realm, but tradition is a hard thing to beat.

Other than the stereotypes surrounding math (boys are good at it and girls are not, and woe be the soul that doesn't live up to their expectation) I'm not sure what the hell is going on here.

No.6 - Shave our heads
Sure, Natalie Portman, Sigourney Weaver and Demi Moore all sheared their locks for Hollywood, but as a true lifestyle choice in everyday society, guys have mastered the bald top. From Michael Jordan to David Beckham to Samuel L. Jackson guys wear bald better. Still need more proof? Just look at bald Britney. Result: Shaving our heads is something only men can do.

Okay I personally think that men do pull off the bald head better than women but I would not say its something that women simply cannot do. And besides I don't think my personal opinion should have much bearing on what anyone does for their hairstyle (because your personal opinion isn't going to stop me and my Fro).

No.5 - Play real sports
Be honest; which of these would you prefer to watch: WNBA or NBA? NHL or women’s hockey? NFL or women’s rugby? MLB or softball? We understand that women play plenty of sports and, yes, they are good athletes, but their sports are a snoozefest to watch. An example, in the WNBA a slam dunk stops the presses, while in the NBA, unless it’s a back reverse through three defenders, it’s just another two points.

That's a low blow there. Just as men/boys through out the ages have been pushed to partake in sports (even when they don't want to) women/girls have been pushed out of sports. But soccer (or football depending on where you're from) is one of the most popular sports in the world and on the World Cup front I really think the American Women's World Cup team could beat the American Men's World Cup team. And I the Canadian and American Women's Olympic Hockey teams from this past Winter Olympics were no joke.

No.4 - Fertilize eggs
Call it mankind, humankind or peoplekind, we have fertilized history. Yes, our swimmers are under siege from early scientific studies that show women can create sperm from their own bone marrow. And of course, studies are also underway to grow babies out of the womb. Are these studies headed by lesbians? Anyway, until our offspring are named 1765A and 1766B, our tadpoles will continue to hit the target.

This is a biological cop out just like women claiming that they can handle pain better than men and then mention childbirth. This is pretty much trying to hold biology over the other gender's head. But no need to knock the lesbians though.

No.3 - Pee standing up
Full bladder, but there’s a line for the urinal? Just step outside and pee behind a dumpster. On a camping trip? Pee and lean against a tree to steady your flow. While women have to unzip, pull down and crouch before they can go, our process is pretty simple: Find some cover, unzip and go. And if we want to write our name in the snow, we can see exactly what we’re doing.

This is a matter of biology, not gender. The advantage of peeing while standing leans toward people who have penises but all penis carriers aren't men. And there are products cropping up all the time that allow for those that don't to do it as well.

No.2 - F*** things
Yep, we can stick ourselves into the middle of things better than anything else. Of course, some of us can do it better than others, but no amount of plastic pegs, rods or mambas can come close to our natural technique.

But those with vaginas can envelope things. And from what I hear it can be quite pleasurable. Well that and there is more to fucking that penises and vaginas. And from what I hear many of those options can be quite pleasurable as well. When you really get to it both men and women can Fuck things. And from what I hear it can be quite pleasurable.

No.1 - Age well
Sorry ladies, all your creams, moisturizers and youth-in-a-bottle remedies have nothing on us. Our male hormones give us thicker skin, which means we get fewer wrinkles and our skin stays younger longer. While women have Joan Rivers to look forward to, we have Sean Connery. Keith Richards? Well, we’ll just count him as a genetic anomaly.

Do you really think that's true?

Well now stuff like this doesn't make a good case for "men's publications" not does it?