Thursday, June 09, 2011

My first blog post, evah!

In the name of nostalgia and Jesus Christ, here is the first post I ever wrote:

Thank you, "Gage Skidmore"

Newt Gingrich, prime idiot of the Republican Party and presidential hopeful, criticizes Obama for releasing Final Four picks while in the midst of the Libya crisis. He probably believes that Obama spent hours, tormented in the far confines of the Oval Office, deciding which college basketball team was worthy of his endorsement. All the while, Gingrich was spending his time nobly on the fnc criticizing Obama (and by doing so, aiding democracy in the Middle East).
first post!

And now, the first comments ever!, in which April invited me to write on her blog, although she didn't know how talkative I could be [Notice how I make bad promises to write "the most amazing post ever"]:

Write more!
You can even practice on my blog if you want!
Just write more!
(Awesome Flickr photos, by the way)

Gosh, I am so embarrassed to have only one post. But I thought the title and domain "typicalnut" were so good that I had to claim it before it got taken up by some teabagger who would then go on to make his first post "In Support of Newt Gingrich: A True Bagger for the Rest".

I was actually thinking of taking some time away from studying, since I'm literally guaranteed admission at my local uni, and the stress that thinking about and striving for college admissions is causing me is now killing me. I always thought I would go to MIT [no really, my ego was that big when I was a little boy] but it's obvious now that I'm not.

So to continue the first sentence clause, I was actually thinking of writing a very good chunk of a post on how suburbia is killing America, and specifically the county I live in and reluctantly love with all my heart. I was even thinking of going to suburbia and taking some pictures with my Soviet film [and only] camera to show the rest of the United States just how desolate and empty it is before summer kicks in and makes it look desolate with a well-maintained lawn. I might also debut with something more personal. If someone finds me suspicious, I will greet them in limited Bulgarian and ask for the closest Starbucks so they won't find me threatening except as a silly white foreigner.

Green lawns never make people unhappy, it's the quintessential American pastime. And in my wildest fantasies, I would be able to cross-post this on your blog, a proud endorsement the world over, and you have granted this wish.

Truthfully, I was starting to feel that my comments were becoming so long that they we're in themselves blog posts, yet at the same time my views aligned with yours about 97-103% of the time. [Perhaps you feel differently].

By doing this, I've probably scared many lurkers with my radical opinions. So I most graciously ask and you are at no obligation to accept,

[I'm not holding you at emotional gunpoint, I might even respect you more if you reject me, making this all the more into supply-and-demand, do you want to supply favors more than demanding respect?]

to add me to the top banner of writers.

I promise I won't blurt out controversial opinions in the comments, just the posts. I'll be the Gwen Ifill of ethecofem, staying moderate on the front but keeping the liberal politics coming on the side. Although it's hard because, as I write this I'm reading this opinion in the WSJ by "Carrie Lukas" [accused of being a Koch plant already] that there is a reverse wage gap, and it takes only a little bit of my self-restraint to not hurl my monitor at the wall.

It might not be obvious, but I'm a big fan of stream of consciousness. I love commas and inordinately long sentences. One of my favorite books has six sentences, and 288 pages. This comment has become a love letter to your blog and kind of myself, an exposé and an interview all at once, and I'm asking the questions for you. This whole time I've been scared and nervous that I'll accidentally hit the backspace button and all this work will have been lost in vain in a tide of browser refresh. [Or kind of hoping for it because it will all come off kind of desperately?]

You tell me. And take your time because I have a lot of it on my hands.

I would love for you become a regular writer at ethecofem! Hooray! (When I read this comment from my phone in bed this morning, I actually hollered "hooray!")

I am quite intrigued by your post about suburbia, with pictures. I've been thinking about the burbs a lot, and trying to think to myself how they could be redeemable. The one I live in is probably hopeless.

Yay! I can't wait! I've got some errands to run, then when I come home I'll get you all set up!